Sigh

I sigh. Often. And more often than not, I say sigh instead of simply sighing. It's just something I do.

Well, I think it's crazy. I left the Ranch one month ago today. Sometimes it feels like it's been only a few days and sometimes it feels like it has been years since I've been there. The hardest part has really been not being in the community and the relationships that I left there. Well not entirely left there, not in spirit.

When I left the Canyon so many heavy emotion events had been happening pretty much right up until I left. I didn’t have the chance to fully process anything before the next thing occured.

When I first got home, it was like I hit the ground running. It was a whirlwind of last minute Christmas shopping, time with family, Christmas, and unpacking still not fully processing the recent events.

It wasn’t until after the family left and after New Years came and went that I really let myself process the last month or two of my time in Antelope. And it wasn’t until after I was able to process some of the recent things that I was able to move forward and start looking to what’s next. I’ve been able to look forward and see what that might possibly look like.

And now I've been able to do so, I'm beginning to grow a little frustrated with the "obtain a job" process. It has been a long, slow process with little to show for the time I've poured into it. My goal, above all else, is to cling to two of the Lord's promises:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with

thanksgiving, submit your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all

understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

- Philippians 4:6-7

and...

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and

not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future"

- Jeremiah 29:11

Until recently I was doing a pretty good job of not being anxious or frustrated with the job search, but I'm getting there, that's for sure. I think the hardest thing is the not knowing. It always is. If I knew what the job was or how long I'd be waiting, I'd be fine. Well, let's be honest, that's a lie. Because after the not knowing piece, being patient is a very close second to the hardest thing about such a process. After I found I was moving to Oregon, almost immediately I was saying, “I can’t wait! September 29th can’t come soon enough!” But I think that knowing makes things easier. Right now, I simply want to know what’s next. Then I can rest with a little more peace.

I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me this year and what adventures I’m going to take. Hurry up and wait, right?