Sigh

I sigh. Often. And more often than not, I say sigh instead of simply sighing. It's just something I do.

Well, I think it's crazy. I left the Ranch one month ago today. Sometimes it feels like it's been only a few days and sometimes it feels like it has been years since I've been there. The hardest part has really been not being in the community and the relationships that I left there. Well not entirely left there, not in spirit.

When I left the Canyon so many heavy emotion events had been happening pretty much right up until I left. I didn’t have the chance to fully process anything before the next thing occured.

When I first got home, it was like I hit the ground running. It was a whirlwind of last minute Christmas shopping, time with family, Christmas, and unpacking still not fully processing the recent events.

It wasn’t until after the family left and after New Years came and went that I really let myself process the last month or two of my time in Antelope. And it wasn’t until after I was able to process some of the recent things that I was able to move forward and start looking to what’s next. I’ve been able to look forward and see what that might possibly look like.

And now I've been able to do so, I'm beginning to grow a little frustrated with the "obtain a job" process. It has been a long, slow process with little to show for the time I've poured into it. My goal, above all else, is to cling to two of the Lord's promises:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with

thanksgiving, submit your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all

understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

- Philippians 4:6-7

and...

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and

not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future"

- Jeremiah 29:11

Until recently I was doing a pretty good job of not being anxious or frustrated with the job search, but I'm getting there, that's for sure. I think the hardest thing is the not knowing. It always is. If I knew what the job was or how long I'd be waiting, I'd be fine. Well, let's be honest, that's a lie. Because after the not knowing piece, being patient is a very close second to the hardest thing about such a process. After I found I was moving to Oregon, almost immediately I was saying, “I can’t wait! September 29th can’t come soon enough!” But I think that knowing makes things easier. Right now, I simply want to know what’s next. Then I can rest with a little more peace.

I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me this year and what adventures I’m going to take. Hurry up and wait, right?

The Last of the Canyon. Sad.

It's no secret that I grew to love the Canyon more than I thought. It's also no secret that it was harder leaving the Canyon than I thought. I learned a ton about the Lord and a ton more about myself while I lived in the Canyon which I am still trying to process, but the Lord is good.

I think, well I know, it's the people that I miss the most. It's the people that I've learned the most from. I love the Canyon for it's community. The family.

I had some pictures on my computer that I wanted to upload because I think that pictures help tell the story. It adds life and detail.

It's no secret that I love my brother Kory's ginormous, brown, awesome Yellowstone Coffee mug. You know the opening scene in So I Married An Axe Murder where Mike Myers character is sitting in a coffee shop and the waitress brings him a drink in that HUGE mug and he says "I believe I ordered the large cappuccino! Hello?!" Well, it's like that. It's huge and it's awesome. I kept threatening that I was going to steal it and I finally did. Sara had the great idea that there should be pictures involved. So for the next 24 hours or so, I took the mug around camp taking pictures of the mug anywhere and everywhere. It was so much fun....maybe a little too fun. I don't know.

Here are just two of the pictures that I took with the amazing mug:

This is in the Canyon Dinning Hall, the Iron Kettle. This is one of my favorite shots.

Kory use to drive this truck, The Hulk, for work. So of course I had to re-unite the mug and The Hulk. They obviously miss each other a whole heck of a lot.

So fun! You know I am still amazed at how well Kory and Sara love and serve others. The day Kory was released from the hospital, we had plans for a joint birthday party for me and their daughter, Bailey. I kept asking Sara if she wanted to cancel or postpone the party and she kept saying no. She still wanted to have it. And it was great. Felt so loved. One of the best parts was having Kory there. I'm not kidding. If I had gotten nothing else that would have been fine, I was just so excited to have my brother home from the hospital. Here are some pictures from that night.

Me and Bailes, the birthday girls!

Loved having my busted brother there. Such a gift and a blessing.

Sweet Kathi. Love her.

It was a great evening. At my goodbye party a few days before that, I was sent off in prayer. Dear neighbors and friends, Tim and Leah were there. Tim has a Rockbridge mug that I love. I had a Rockbridge mug as well that somehow got lost while I lived in the Canyon. I LOVE that mug. Tim had one almost identical to the one I had except mine was pink and his was yellow. Well, as a parting gift, Tim gave me his mug! Love it! Such a great gift. I am so thankful and blessed. Such a simple act means so much. And here's the mug.

This last picture is from my final drive into camp before the move. Sad moment. Hard moment. I sometimes have a hard time with change and while driving into camp that Sunday afternoon, I knew things were about to change and I was leaving some of the best friends and things I've ever had in my life, knowing that it was a good thing. It was hard to think that I would have to wait months before I could hug these sweet friends and family again.

The Canyon has been an amazing. The Canyon - it has a way of changing you. And for me, it was good.